


Death by Stilettos

by enamoredd



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: First Meetings, Iwa-chan is a tad bit ooc, M/M, best wingmen makki and mattsun, save him he's lowkey pining, secret agent AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-20
Updated: 2017-06-20
Packaged: 2018-11-16 11:40:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11252403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enamoredd/pseuds/enamoredd
Summary: “Honey, do you know who I am?” the tall man asks. Iwaizumi blinks his eyes slowly. He can’t for his fucking life recall who this guy was. Was he supposed to know him? “Uh,” Iwaizumi tries, “You Kindaichi? I’m gonna get you outta here so uh, no need to be scared?” It comes out more of a question than a statement, but nobody could blame him. He was hella confused.And hella gay, ha wow, look at those eyes.---Iwaizumi Hajime finds himself in a bit of a predicament at his first day working in the new agency, with the predicament coming in the form of a certain brunette with an undeniable inclination towards milk bread.





	Death by Stilettos

**Author's Note:**

> This idea came to me when I accidentally entered the wrong room and I thought, 'Hey what if that happened to a superhero' and then I thought 'Oh what if it was Iwa-chan' and then I giggled like a lost idiot (to be fair, I really was a lost idiot).

Different sounds reverberate across the not so empty hall, yet he continues to run. There’s a crash in the left (boom), a gunshot at the right (pew pew), some sobbing somewhere ahead.

Wait, sobbing?

Iwaizumi heads to the direction of the sobbing.

Iwaizumi didn’t know why he signed up for this, fuck it, he STILL doesn’t know why he signed up for this. One minute he’s being recruited by an owl and a cat for having nice arms, the next minute he’s in some bomb ass bitch’s turf trying to rescue some scrawny kid. He doesn’t even know the fucking kid. All he was told was that the guy’s name is Kindaichi and that he needed to be saved ASAP.

Iwaizumi curses under his breath. It was such a dumb idea to head in without any idea of the client or the building. It had something to do with ‘rituals for newbies’ and he sort of recalls Nishinoya saying something along the lines of having to fight with only a pack of batteries on the first day of the job. To this day, everyone thinks he’s a legend and that anyone who witnesses his Rolling Thunder gets stupendous luck on every first date for the next four months. Iwaizumi low-key thinks it’s horseshit only because he’s seen it TWICE and still hasn’t landed a date. At this point, he feels impressed by the fact that he hasn’t killed anyone from the agency yet, but that’s all gonna change when he gets back because BOI they were gonna get it. It’s a good fucking thing he had cat and owl to help him out because he was _fucking lost goddamit._

The life of a secret agent was awesome, but it was fuckin’ nuts.

A few minutes and a couple extra turns later, Iwaizumi finally finds the place he’s looking for. Before him stands an enormous door that might as well be the gateway to hell and Iwaizumi prays to whatever deity is out there that he wouldn’t have to fight anyone. He looks left and right to check if there was anyone following him. Nope, nothing. ‘Thank Jesus,’ he thinks to himself. If he needed to rescue a kidnapped kid, this would be the perfect opportunity. Gripping his gun tighter, he kicks the door open-

To find a super model?

“Where the fuck is my fucking milk bread you fucking turd?!”  
A cranky supermodel looking for milk bread.  
He can feel his eyebrow twitch. “Aren’t you a fucking sweetheart,” he whispered.

Well, tried to whisper.

The supermodel in front of him is, in fact, a really tall man. Taller than Iwaizumi (fuckkk). His wavy brown locks are sweeped neatly to the side, framing his thin face. His long eyelashes encompass the man’s large round caramel orbs that curiously take in every inch of Iwaizumi’s appearance before glaring.

“Honey, do you know who I am?” the tall man asks. Iwaizumi blinks his eyes slowly. He can’t for his fucking life recall who this guy was. Was he supposed to know him? “Uh,” Iwaizumi tries, “You Kindaichi? I’m gonna get you outta here so uh, no need to be scared?” It comes out more of a question than a statement, but nobody could blame him. He was hella confused.

And hella gay, ha wow, look at those eyes.

Iwaizumi steps forward to grab the man’s hand, tugging him towards the exit. “C’mon, we gotta get outta here. The chopper’s comin’ and your parents are worried sick and-” Iwaizumi stops mid-sentence when he hears a beep in his ear piece.

“Hey, hey, HEY IWAIZUMI! Head on over to the exit already ‘cus Kuroo and I got the kid and he’s so shaky and scared and AHAHA HE LOOKS LIKE A TURNIP, oh but you didn’t hear that from- oh, uhhhh, uhuh, yeah okay. KUROO SAYS JUST GET OUTTA THERE. CHOPPER’S AT THE WIDDLE EXIT THAT LOOKS LIKE AGHASHI’S RIGHT INTESTINE!” Now, Iwaizumi should really be concerned how he got the wrong person, but really, he’s pondering how, one, he doesn’t think there’s a ‘left’ or ‘right’ intestine, and, two, how does Bokuto know how Akaashi’s intestines look like? He blinks a couple of times and stares at the hand he’s holding. The hand that’s definitely NOT Kindaichi’s hand.

Fuck

He looks up to face the owner of the hand, finding a devilish smirk planted on the man’s lips.

That’s when everything starts moving in slow motion.

The minute Iwaizumi gains his common sense back, the man was already barking orders into his ear piece. Iwaizumi turns back into the hallway, cursing whatever force out there made this happen to him. He feels like a fucking fool, thinking the handsome man was Kindaichi. Like, duh, of-fucking-course that wasn’t him. He just thought, you know, maybe it _was_ him, and he’d rescue him, make the guy fall in love with him, maybe get married.

He’s already near the Akaashi’s-intestine-shaped exit when he’s stopped by two really tall men (groan). Iwaizumi tries to run past them, clearly not in the mood to fight anybody. One of them is able to grab Iwaizumi’s bicep, and honestly, Iwaizumi doesn’t give a fuck. Instead of pushing that motherfucker aside, he fucking drags him. At least they have someone hostage or something. The man struggles to break free from Iwaizumi and damn he’s strong, but Iwaizumi’s stronger. Iwaizumi yanks the guy to the floor and kicks him everywhere. He kicks his stomach, chest, face, you name it, he kicked it. He was so drawn to his kicking that he kinda forgot about the other guy. Said other guy takes this opportunity to hit Iwaizumi in the head and fuck that hurts. Iwaizumi stands back up again, blood sticking to his face. It makes his vision blurry, and the sweat doesn’t make it any better, but he takes up his stance once again, ready to beat the shit out of them.

“Go down already old man,” the pink haired guy says.  
“Lmao ditto,” the guy with the distractingly sexy eyebrows echoes.

Iwaizumi was about to make a retort of his own when a booming voice echoes within the room. A really low attractive bratty voice.

It was a little familiar.

Iwaizumi stares at the newcomer and thinks ‘Oh it’s NOT Kindaichi.’ He feels his face heat up a little. Definitely from the shame. Yep. Not, uh. Not that other thing.

He needs to get out of here dammit! Where on Earth are Kuroo and Bokuto?!

“We meet once again, Iwa-chan.”  
“Ok, don’t fucking call me that and how the fuck did you get my name?”

Their leader (he assumes he’s their leader) turns a bright shade of red and coughs into his hand (oh, his hands look nice).

“That’snotrelevant.”  
“Then can I get your name? It’s kinda unfair that you know mine, but I don’t know yours.”  
“Oi, hanger! Give him your number while you’re at it!”  
“Lmao”

“Oh my fucking GLOB Makki SHUT UP!” The man throws a shy glance towards Iwaizumi and damn that’s cute and – AREN’T THEY SUPPOSED TO BE RIPPING EACH OTHER’S THROATS OUT?!

The guy bites his lip and mumbles a little quietly under his breath.

“He can’t hear you, darling!”  
“Lmao so rude”

He groans and weaves his fingers through his hair in exasperation.

“Oikawa Tooru.”

Iwaizumi nods his head. “Iwaizumi Hajime, but I guess you already know that.”

“Cool.”  
“Cool.”  
“CAN Y’ALL JUST ASK EACH OTHER TO GET DINNER OR SOMETHIN’?! SERIOUSLY! DO ISSEI AND I HAVE TO DO _EVERYTHING?!”_  
“Yeah man, we can’t be wingmen forever.”

Iwaizumi opens his mouth then closes it. The whole fucking situation was absurd and unreal and this was definitely _not_ the time to ask someone out, but he’s seriously considering it damn it.

“So, uh, do you kinda, uh, wanna-“

The door is forced open by two badass (idiots) men, with an explosion in the background.

“ZOOMIE! WE’RE GONNA GET YOU OUTTA HERE!” Bokuto screams. Kuroo’s already throwing a gun to him, and ohh, his gun got lost somewhere. Does he have to pay for that? He doesn’t want to pay for that.

In the time he was calculating the price of a gun, Kuroo already knocked down Issei(?) and Makki(??) just enough to make them to release their grip on Iwaizumi.

“C’mon old man we gotta get outta here.”

Did he really look that old? “Oh, wait, FUCK! Kuroo wait-“

There was smoke everywhere and Iwaizumi could only assume that Bokuto used a smoke bomb. He was desperately looking for Oikawa when he felt something soft hit his face. He peels it off and, oh my fucking-

Is that underwear?!

Amidst the smoke and the shouting, Iwaizumi hears a distinct “CALL ME!” before getting inside the chopper.

\--

Iwaizumi looked a little stupid now, smiling to himself whilst staring a little too long at the view outside the chopper. A scrawny turnip stares at him a little worriedly before turning to Kuroo and Bokuto.

“Is he going to be okay?”

Iwaizumi turns to them with a goofy smile - eyes bright and cheeks glowing.

“Let’s do another mission.”

**Author's Note:**

> I bet ya twenty bucks Bokuto has a picture of Akaashi's intestines (and maybe some other stuff too).
> 
>  
> 
> tumblr: aster-mocha


End file.
